+Posted by [Panda]+
You may have heard that your man Panda rarely pays for his own bar tab. Well, y'all in for a treat today. Sensei Panda is gunna teach you some bar tab kung-fu and make you look Awesome. There ain't any hocus pocus voodoo involved, but people are going to think you gotta be some sort of wizard when you go reping Panda's tricks.
When you go to the bar, you always wanna size up the place. Who looks like they're having the most fun? Hang somewhere close to them, try to get in on that. Who are the other alpha males (or females) you might have to compete with? For the most part, just avoid confrontation and work your own territory. Are the drinks cheap? If not, march yo a** back out and find a place where they are!
Proceed to get yo drank on but don't get too sloppy. Panda doesn't want you fugging up his tricks. When you're ready though, use one of the following:
Napkin Knot Trick
This trick is mostly a conversation starter. If you don't have solid social skills, use this as an exercise to build up yo game! Get used to approaching strangers and mingle. Go up and bet someone that you can hold a napkin at two ends and tie a knot without letting go. This works best with one of those cloth dinner napkins. When they ask you to show 'em, cross your arms before picking up the napkin. This way, all you have to do to tie the knot is uncross your arms. Simple. Easy. Now you're talking to some cutie and the night got a little bit better.
Frozen Leg Trick
This one is my favorite to use on macho or overconfident tool bags. Let me give you a scenario: you're macking it to the cutie you just met with the napkin trick. You gotta take a leak because them jager shots are catching up to you. When you get back, you've been intercepted by someone who thinks he's got more game than you do. Oh no, student of Panda. This won't do.
Just be friendly. Introduce yourself and act like nothing is wrong, then work in this next trick. Ask this guy how strong he is. He'll likely respond that he pumps iron everyday and try to impress your lady friend. Tell him that his right leg looks weak to you. Bet him that he can't lift it with his left foot, hip, shoulder, and cheek against the wall. If he can, you'll pay his tab. If he can't, he pays yours... and the lady's (give her a wink). If you baited him well, he will be ready to make a fool of himself. You see, he will not be able to lift his leg because he'll be using it to push the other side of his body against the wall. The harder he tries, the more he'll look like the toolbag he is.
Now you have a lady and a free tab. Good work, Danielson.
Stack -o- Pennies Game
Ok, this is Panda's secret weapon. Maybe you can't get the ladies to appreciate the napkin trick. Maybe that toolbag you tried to make an a** of actually paid attention in physics class. Or maybe everything has been going smooth and you just wanna end the night with some fireworks. Either way, time for Panda's Stack -o- Pennies Game!
Ask someone to play this game with you. You can impress a lady or do the bar tab wager like before. Make sure you have 17 pennies beforehand. Say that you have some change in your pocket and stack those pennies on the table. The game is you take turns picking either 1, 2, or 3 pennies. The person that has to pick up the last penny loses. Tell your friend that they can go first.
The way this works for you is that you always want the number of pennies picked up between you to equal 4. For example, they pick 1, you pick 3. They pick 2, you pick 2. They pick 1, you pick 3. Make sense? They will always end up drawing the last penny. Take your time and make it look like you're really thinking about how many to take. They will think you're really good at math, or that you're really lucky. You look smooth either way.
Now don't overdo these tricks. Don't get too drunk. Don't bring shame to Panda. Enjoy the ladies. Enjoy yourself. Spread some good energy around and be Awesome.